Step 1...

The silence is killing me!!!
I have a million things that I am saying in my head to you!!
The ticking of the clock is unbearable
The lump in my throat is painful

I have soooo much I want to tell you, to explain..

I'm using again!
Not drugs, but I am substituting  other things....
food, control, sex....

I want so bad to be able to sit and tell you all about it  but the minute I open my mouth everything jumps out making no sense what so ever.
I try to type it all out but for some reason what is in my head never sounds right outside of my head!!

I'm not trying to be a silent bitch!!
I don't know why it is so hard for me to open up to you now when it never was in the past??
I need to get this outta my head and heart.
My head is pounding
the pain in my chest is crushing!
I need to get it out before it eats me alive!
I need understanding
I need to know that someone out there sees the pain in my eyes and drags it out of me!!

I need to let go
I need to take it easy
I need to hand it all over to the HP!!

I need a meeting of the minds...

                      so I am going!

I admit that I am powerless over my addiction and my life has become unmanageable !!

now for step 2!